


It's Just Got To Be that Way

by ermengarde



Series: And it won't be hard to do (A.K.A. Adam wants your braaaaainz) [2]
Category: Adam Lambert - Fandom, adam lambert (singer)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Zombies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-06-24
Updated: 2010-06-24
Packaged: 2017-10-10 06:16:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/96514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ermengarde/pseuds/ermengarde
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Wherein Neil learns more about wrangling zombies than he ever wanted to know and realizes that the internet is completely <em>useless</em>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Just Got To Be that Way

**Author's Note:**

> Sorcha and Vae? Totally all your fault. I hate you.
> 
>  
> 
> About as much as I hate Adam Lambert for destroying everyone's ability to think in the first place.

Neil looked up from his internet search (_how to control the undead_) and over to where Tommy was playing something on his Iphone and mostly ignoring Adam gnawing at the back of his head. The drool had made a large, wet circle that extended half way down the back of Tommy's shirt.

"Adam."

"Nom. Om nom nom."

"_Adam_."

"Nom?"

"Please stop nomming Tommy for a minute. The noise is distracting and you're going to give him diaper rash if you keep getting him all wet like that."

Adam stopped biting at Tommy and looked mournfully at Neil. From what Neil could work out (how on _Earth_ was this his life now?) your average zombie's physiology was significantly altered from that of a human being - quite apart from the brain(z) craving, there seemed to be a change in tensile tooth strength and the P.S.I. that their jaws could exert; neither of which had happened to Adam (in fact, despite his nomming being entirely focused around brains (or brainz), he was really very gentle; like he realized that he couldn't get through the skull anyway so why bother breaking skin). Neil banged his head off of the desk. Of _course_ Adam's physiology hadn't changed; there was no such fucking thing as zombies. Except for how there was and now his big brother was one... At least he wasn't _actually_ dead - or even undead. No, Adam was all about the brainz with none of the other side effects. The internet was _useless_.

Adam gently pulled him back and put his hands around his head, stopping him banging the desk. "No, Neil. Braaaainz." Adam petted his head, rubbing away the dull ache the desk had caused. It was quite nice to be the one being looked after for once.

Adam grinned at him and mouthed the top of his ear, which _urgh. Brother_.

"Adam! Stop getting your spit on me!"

"Moar brainz!" Adam looked positively gleeful and nommed at him again.

"Adam! No." Neil pushed him back. "Not allowed. You're only allowed to nom on Tommy, you know that."

"But Tommy noms too?"

Neil closed the laptop and leaned back in the chair. There so wasn't enough beer in the entire _world_ to deal with a cat-macro spouting, zombie brother.

"You can both nom on each other as much as you like."

Tommy looked at him and raised an eyebrow.

"...on stage. Not in front of me, I don't want to see, it's bad enough watching just you... I, uh." Neil closed his eyes and tried to remember the gist of any of the movies Tommy had shown him to _help with his wrangling_. "You're like the king of the zombies, yeah?"

"Yeah. Braaaaaaaaaaaainz." Adam looked proud.

"Yeah, hundreds of zombified fans with exploded brains, you should be very proud." Neil had to admit that turning your fan base into a swarm of undead, glitter-wearing, merchandise-buying, obsessed minions was actually a pretty good business model. "But Tommy's only, like, some kind of assistant-zombie, so he doesn't need to nom very much at all."

Tommy grinned at him and Neil pushed down the thought that he was trapped on a bus with a bunch of maniacs who probably wanted to turn him into one of them.

"Oh." Adam looked more thoughtful than he had in a while and petted the back of Tommy's head, grimacing at the moisture there. "Okay." He nodded decisively. "Tommy, go change. You soggy."

Neil exhaled slowly and opened the computer again. "Look, I'll find you some videos of the shows, the ones that exploded the fans? Then you can work out how to explode even more of them next time"

"Yay!" Adam clapped. "Moar braaaaaaainz"

Neil set up a bunch of you tube pages in tabs and gave Adam the laptop. Okay, so, keep on painting on Sutan's magical shiny cure, keep enough towels around the place so Tommy wasn't permanently soaking wet and keep the beer _well_ stocked up. Yeah. It wasn't actually any worse than being related to an alien, right?


End file.
